May 16, 2016
I look back on my life often. I think about all the places I have been, all the trials and tribulations I have gone through. I try to sort out where I made mistakes and why I made them. I can’t change the past but I can learn from it. I can learn a lot. I can learn not to make the same mistakes, not to make the same choices I did before. I have learned to evaluate people, to stop, look and listen to them. So many people are so concerned about themselves that they don’t have room to learn to love someone, to really care for them. So many people, today are controlling, selfish, mean and abusive.
I spent over 15 years in an abusive relationship. At first it was a good relationship, until that person was able to alienate me from all my friends and family. When he was sure I had no place to go, no one I could turn to for help, that is when the abuse started. I won’t get into all the gory details here, but at times my life was in actual danger. I have had guns pointed at my head, his hands around my throat and at one time he actually tried to run over me with a car.
Even through all of this, Jesus was standing by my side. He always made sure that I survived. He always protected me. These weren’t the only times his protective love surrounded me. There were times when the weather was bad and I was supposed to drive out to the courts. Something told me to turn back, and I found out on the news later that there was a bad accident on the same road, around the same time I would have been there.
There have been times when something has fallen, right after I have walked under or past it. There have been times I would change my mind about going down a certain road only to find out later that it was severely flooded. I have had these instincts that hold me back at times from going certain places or doing certain things, and each time I have found that I was protected from something disastrous or dangerous.
Today I am thankful for the Lords protection all through my life.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
May 17, 2016
I hear many people say they don’t understand God. I, myself, have had moments when I didn’t understand him either, but reading his word, letting it soak in, letting it talk to me has helped me over the years.
I didn’t understand when he allowed Ken to die. I wanted him to heal him miraculously, and in fact he did that. I prayed on the way home the night before he passed away that God would heal him or take him home. It took a non-christian friend to point out to me that God did just that. He took him home and healed him by giving him eternal life in a body that would never get sick again.
I didn’t understand at first why he let my son die a few months ago, but it only took a few days to understand that he was answering another prayer. My son had some huge problems he was trying to overcome and then he was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. He was fighting addictions, cancer and major depression. Again I believe God took him to stop his suffering, to save him from the horrible death that cancer causes and to heal his broken heart.
People come and go in our lives. Some die and others move on. We go through different levels in our life, so good, some bad and some just so-so. If we let the world pull us down, if we don’t try to understand why things happen the way they do, we end up miserable, hateful and mean and we blame every circumstance on someone else, including God. We need to understand that many of the things that happen in our lives are the result of the way we choose to live, the things we choose to do or not do, the people we choose to be around, the decisions that we make that might not have seemed good at the time but we didn’t really think them through.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’ve made rash decisions that have been life changing, but I understand all of that now. I understand that what I do, the way I choose to live, the way I choose to act, the people I choose to be around all has an impact on how my life turns out.
Today I am thankful for understanding.
Proverbs 2:2-5 Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
May 18, 2016
There was a time in my life when I was a difficult person. I was mean and nasty. I was inpatient. I wanted everything done the way I wanted, when I wanted and I was very rude and nasty if I didn’t get it. I didn’t care about the feelings of others. I only cared about me. I used the excuses that I was just trying to survive in this world or I was trying to assert myself, show that I couldn’t or wouldn’t be under anyone’s thumb, but I definitely went about it the wrong way.
I have learned that being mean and nasty, demeaning someone else, being rude and offensive is no way to get anything done, is no way to accomplish what you want to accomplish. This enlightenment definitely was an overnight “God” thing that happened almost immediately after I gave my heart to Jesus. Almost overnight I became the most patient person I could have been. I’ve had others tell me I have the patience of a saint. I don’t know about that, but I do know it was not my doing. I also know that life has been a whole lot easier and better since this transformation.
Today I am thankful for the patience God has given me.
Proverbs 15:1 – A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.