March 13, 2017 – Fear
We all fear something. For some people it’s the fear of never amounting to what they want to be, for others it is the fear of losing a job, a home, friends or a loved one. For many the fear is that of death. I remember that my older sister told me one time, that she wasn’t afraid of death as much as she was afraid of getting old, God rest her soul, she passed away at the age of 66 a few months ago.
I guess for me, it isn’t the fear of dying or getting old. It is the fear of not getting done everything that I believe God wants me to do. I’m getting older, I’m not as healthy as I used to be and I am slower than I used to be. Even though the hours in a day hasn’t changed from 24, I sometimes feel like my days just slip away from me.
I’m sure my depression and PTSD have something to do with that, because there are days that I just don’t feel like doing anything. I get the usual chores done because I refuse to have a filthy house, but above and beyond that, nothing else will get done. There are days when I sit here at the computer with the list of blessings, knowing I need to get them written and posted and just can’t seem to get it done.
I’ve faced a lot of fears in my life, At some points I even feared for my life, for my son’s life and for several others lives as well. Sometimes I face the fear of not knowing where I was going to live, how I was going to supply food and roof over my sons head. I also faced the fear, many times that I might not live through the night, that I would die at the hands of a very sick person. That fear wasn’t so much about my life as it was about what would happen to my son.
As I have grown in my walk with Christ, I have learned that you can either face your fears and conquer them or you can let them take over your life. I know some people who have lived in fear of something all of their lives and my heart goes out to them. Today I am thankful that God has given me the strength, wisdom and tools I need to separate my fears and face them one at a time until they are no longer fears.
March 14, 2017 – Sorrow and Celebration
Sorrow is a big part of life. We can feel sorrow for many different reasons. We are sorrowful if we lose our homes or jobs. We are sorrowful when we hear of a friends problems or face life changing problems in our lives.
One of the pastors from one of the churches Ken and I attended, Pastor Mike, the same one who did Ken’s service, did a series on levels in our lives. He talked about how we go from one level to another level when something drastically changes, when our circumstances change, or when we are moved out of comfort zone.
He looked at me at the end of Kens service and told me “Lori, now you go to another level in your life”. It is more or less along the lines of the belief that “when God closes one door, he opens another”. He has closed and open many doors in my life, however, sometimes something trickles over from the previous level.
Sorrow and celebrations are two of those that trickle over, two that stay with us all of our lives. While the excitement or sadness may seem to dim after a time, they are still always with us. Sometimes, though when we go through a time of sorrow, there is a time of celebration that is included or follows.
Today makes one year since my son, my only child passed away. In many ways it still seems like yesterday. But, I knew his heart, I knew that he had given his heart to Jesus, and I knew his suffering, and while the last thing I ever wanted was to lose my son, I know he is in a much better place. Today I am thankful that along with the sorrow comes celebration for he is celebrating with Jesus today.
March 15, 2017 – The Future
I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds my future. (Homer)
Growing up as a little girl, I remember being taught that the dream of every little girl should be to fall in love, get married, have children and be the perfect mother and wife. Boy, have things changed. By the time I was a teen, the role of women in society had completely changed. They had stepped out of the mold and were holding positions that were once held only by men, in the employment fields, in politics and in religious venues.
As I was graduating High School, college and a career were the most important things on a young ladies mind. I already had an after school job, and my parents had made me take college prep courses while everyone else was taking office skills. Thanks to them, and the fact that my step father never informed me of student loans, nor did anyone else for that matter, I never made it to college.
I worked at low paying waitress jobs, in a print shop for very low pay and then finally graduated to working in bars because the money was better than any other choices I had. I was 38 when I found out about student loans and 40 when I finally graduated from a small business college.
Even though I didn’t use anything they taught me in my employment, having that piece of paper opened the doors. Unless you are going for a masters in your field, most companies will train you now for the position if you meet the minimum requirements of having computer skills and a good concept of the English language.
For many years I wanted a better future, not just for me, but for my son as well, but I got involved with the wrong people and ended up in a situation that I couldn’t get out of for a very long time. Once I was out of the business college, I started looking for that perfect job, but sad to say I had to start at the bottom and work my way up. I had to build a work experience to put on my resume before I could land a decent paying job.
Since I became a Christian, I have come to realize that we only have a certain amount of control over our future. Our whole lives are orchestrated according to God’s will for us. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t plan for the future, that we shouldn’t work for something better in our lives, but it does mean that we shouldn’t stop, fall down and give up when it doesn’t turn out the way we want.
It simply means, that God has another plan for you and you need to be open for his plans in your life, in the mean time you go forward working toward goals that are not against the basic teachings of God. We need to keep ourselves open to the urging of the Holy Spirit. Today I am thankful that I know not what the future holds but I KNOW WHO HOLDS MY FUTURE.
I Corinthians 2:9 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.”