March 22, 2017 – Fatigue
It seems that for the most of my life, I have never gotten enough sleep. Other than when I was a child, I might average 5-6 hours a night and maybe a short nap during the day. They say as you get older, you need less sleep, but to me if feels like I need more.
I never used to take naps. I used get up at 5:00 am every morning and go until 11 or 12 without feeling tired. There was never a chance that I passed up to work a double shift. When the word “overtime” was mentioned I was always the first in line. It’s not that I was money hungry, but the fact that I was taking care of another whole family besides myself and my son.
As I got older, many of my employers came to depend on me to work the overtime so they could make sure they had some kind of supervisor on the floor. Yes, I had the duties of a supervisor but they were reluctant to give me the name and pay that went with that position. Instead they called me a “team lead” or “special matters expert”.
After Ken passed away, I looked forward to the overtime, not because I needed the money, but because I needed to occupy my time and there was only so much house cleaning to be done and nothing I needed to do at the church.
Now that I am older, I’m not sure if it is the age or all the medications I have to take for the illnesses and problems that come with aging. One says it will cause dizziness and drowsiness, another says it will cause bloating, nausea and fatigue while still another says it causes headache, sweating and heart palpitations and I can attest to all of these side effects.
Still, there are days where I will wake up with a song in my heart, feeling like I had a good nights rest and ready to tackle anything that comes my way. I would love to wake up each morning with the energy I had when I was a teen, but for today I am thankful for the days I don’t feel the weight of all that fatigue.
March 23, 2017 – Failures
We are all failures. There is not one among us who has not failed at something, but the secret is not to live in our past failures, to learn lessons from them so we don’t keep failing in the same areas. I failed at being a good mother. There was never any discussion, any conversations in my foster homes, with my mom and step father, with anyone on how to be a good mother. I just kind of got thrown to wolves on that one.
I was told that I was on my own, that I needed to find a place by the time I was 18, and I took it literally because if my step-father said it, he meant it. A couple months before I was 18, I had an after school, full time – 40 hour a week job and had gotten a small efficiency apartment with one of the other waitresses.
When I met my son’s father, I thought I was in love, just because he treated me so nice, but when I was five months pregnant, he was arrested. Seems that he had several different alias, a record as long as your arm, and another wife. I went to live with my sister and her husband until I had my son, but again, it was understood that I would move out as quickly as possible after he was born.
I worked for a time with a married couple who were lawyers, but they were looking more for a chief cook and bottle washer, so I didn’t last long there. It wasn’t long until I got involved with the wrong people and ended up in an abusive situation that it took many years to get out of. Basically I was naive, and a failure.
I’ve had other times in my life when I have felt I failed someone. I won’t get into the many details, but as a Christian I have learned that we all fail, we all fall short, we all fall down. Today I am thankful that the Lord is always willing to look past our failures and forgive us for them.
March 24, 2017 – Inspiration
When I was getting paid to write articles for awhile, I did one on writers block. I did a lot of research and read many other articles about it. With many authors, writers block can be a problem. You hit a plateau where nothing seems to come to mind, where the words just won’t come. You have ideas but nothing seems to be forming around those ideas, you haven’t a clue where to start.
I have found this to be the case a few times on my site here. I list every day something to be thankful for and then I get that block, that period of indecision on where I want to take the subject, what do I want to say about it. The problem is not having nothing to say, it is having too much or too many different things to say about a subject.
In several of the articles I read about writers block, they mentioned looking around your for inspiration, so sometimes, when I have picked what I am thankful for that day, I let it sit. It might sit for an hour, it might sit for a day as I look around at the things that inspire me. Sometimes the inspiration, the words will suddenly come to mind, and depending where I am I will have to write notes because my memory doesn’t always serve me a well as it once did.
I was once told when I was in Junior High that I had what was called a “photographic memory” which meant that I could see something or read something and immediately memorize it. Now, today, due to the years I have lived, the events I have been through in my life, old age and medications, it is not odd for me to read something inspirational and forget it in seconds to only have it pop back into my head a few days later.
There are those days I wake up and am immediately inspired to write something and the words come so easily it is as if I had just already written them and were writing them again. I have so much in my life today that inspires me. Nature, animals, seasons, love ones, health, friends, and so much more inspire me on a daily basis, but the best inspiration I get comes from God. Today I am thankful for his inspirations.