March 28, 2017 – Sharing
I have shared articles written by other people on my site before. Rich has written several. He wrote this the other day on Facebook and it really hit home with me so with his permission I am sharing it on More of Positive Mornings.
It seems easy to hold a grudge, especially these days. Few of those grudges we hold seem as deep and lasting as the ones we sometimes hold against God. It can be because of a death, an unfortunate defect of birth, or because we feel, due to ill luck, that we are in Gods bulls-eye, that we unfairly have been singled out.
I’ve been coping with my disease as far back as shortly after high-school, that’s when real full blown attacks first began. That unpredictable health caused me to live like a gypsy, moving here and there sometimes more than once during a year, almost constantly working, but my jobs changing sometimes as often as the seasons. There were new ones that I also inevitably lost due to my reoccurring attacks and over night hospital stays. And understandably no employer seemed ready to work with me on that so I had quite a resume of short jobs, probably a list, literally, as long as your arm.
As I’ve said before, it got progressively worse, but when you live with the unpredictable long enough, you come to ingrain just enough of the elements of the normal into your journey that after awhile there is a strange normalcy to it. It becomes not a cursed life, just one of a different sort, except when I’d see old friends from school, or new ones I’d made along the way and watched their lives progress at a speed that left me struggling.
I was in a position in which I could never be anywhere long enough to gain seniority, or rise due to my ability or work ethic, a position I really hadn’t ever envisioned for myself, and in those moments I became bitter. It was not with my friends or for the breaks opening up in their lives, but with my creator who I wrongly felt had to be on some level responsible for my lot.
Being raised in the church, I loved God, I loved what he stood for and the peace he offered, but there was a divide growing inside me. There was an underlying bitterness there that I only allowed myself rarely to see or admit to.
In time I came to understand that I could live bitterly and illogically and cheat myself, or I could learn to frame my life in a different way, using the moments in which I was solid and well, to do the most I could. I also realized that God, like a parent, wasn’t responsible for everything we experience. Like a parent he helps us to a point but lets us be, to a large degree, the author of our own legacy.
When a loved one is lost in what seems a tragic and unnecessary way we often claim God took them, far too early and lay the bitterness of our mourning at his door. Doubtlessly the parents of a child with a lifelong defect even more must wonder at, what they suppose, is his cruel choice of their child, But it is the excess of the world carelessly spilled into our lives that has created weakness in our genes, confuses our hormones and to some degree harmfully effected us all.
The scriptures say that anyone who harms these little ones would be better off tying a millstone to their feet and casting it into the ocean because even in its dark reaches there will be no place to hide from God. If we believe he really was the author of those thoughts, then how could we believe he’d ever wish harm on the little ones, or direct it himself?
We’ve turned the garden of Eden into a cesspool and corrupted our physical makeup in the process.In doing so we’ve shortened our lives. Is God responsible for the pain in mine or your life, for the excesses of our lives, the careless cavalier manner in which we race through them, the brews and pills and needles that weaken us and often result in our deaths? Is he responsible for the chemicals that are in our groundwater and air that make birth a hazard to the unborn?
Somehow, I really doubt it. I believe life is a sacred cycle but one always fraught with dangers and chance imperfections, a life only once, for a short time, guarded and pristine.
Today I am thankful to be able to share this article.