The “What If” Stage
I can’t begin to count the number of times that I have found solutions, or what to say after the fact. We all go through this. We rethink something over again and again, and then maybe years later it pops into our mind “What if I had said this” or “ I should have done this” or “If maybe if I had done it this way or said it that way”.
Unfortunately we cannot turn back time. Life is a long line of learning experiences, some that we can use later on as life goes on and some we can share with others that may help them before they make the same mistakes we did.
I have so many friends that have lost loved ones lately and my heart hurts for them because I know they are going through the “what if” stage right now. Rethinking everything they ever did for or with that loved one and everything they ever said to them, wondering if they missed something a long the way that might have kept them here longer.
It just doesn’t work like that, oh I how I wish it did. I went through that phase with Ken when he passed away, looking for that one thing that I might have missed that might have kept him here longer, but I could not find anything even though I was certain that I missed something.
I did it with my son and sister within the last two years. Wondering if something I said or did could have changed the road my son chose to go down or maybe there was something I missed saying to my sis that would have changed her mind about getting an operation that she knew she needed.
We can’t change the past. We can only learn from it. There are a few hard facts we have to face. First, we cannot live someones life for them, they have to live it themselves and sometimes no matter what we say or do for them, it doesn’t turn out right. The other one is that we are not perfect. We don’t come into this world knowing everything and we don’t go out of it knowing everything. The major hard fact that we have to realize is that we are not God. His ways are not our ways and everything is in his hands.
I thank god for helping me through the “what if” stages for it is a tool the devil likes to use. He wants us to feel guilty. He wants us to believe that no matter what we do, we fail and will never be forgiven and will never see the Glory of God. He would have us believe that when a loved one dies, it has to have been because of our neglect, it had to have been our fault.
Rest easy in the loving hands of the Lord. He tells us we will never be perfect and he tells us our sins are forgiven if we come to him in true repentance. I know I will go through many more “what if” stages before I go home to God, but I have his guarantee that he is still in control, not just with my life, but of those that I love also.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand
That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things
In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind